Winter's very very un-stillness

Belly deep snow

As we prepare for the 10 thousandth storm to roll in tonight, and as my already shot nervous system non-prepares for yet another potential Snow Day on Monday (we are at 20 now), there isn’t much that’s feeling particularly still about this winter.

Just as soon as one event dies down, that little red, fear-mongering notice of a ‘Weather Advisory’ appears on my phone. With animals that live outside 24/7 and children who need to get to hockey games an hour and a half, to two, to sometimes three hours away, these advisories keep us in a near constant state of terror.

I am no longer just drained, weary, worn-out, sapped - all of the regular kinds of exhausted - I have reached a new depth of what is so aptly called, bone-deep exhausted.

This time no longer feels just intense, overwhelming, challenging, heavy – all the regular kinds of hard - it feels unbearable.

Unbearably bone deep.

The words themselves have a crushing energy.

And yet…

Under the weight and in the depths - where it feels like light cannot possibly exist; it does.

Under unbearable weight; it is there.

Into the depths of deep; it is there.

Within us; no matter how much or how hard or I just can’t; it is there.

And so, as another storm becomes another storm which becomes another school snow day and another missed work day and another this is too much day; there is still a pause inbetween, like the breath, as exhale becomes inhale becomes exhale, there is a little tiny pause, almost undetectable, and yet; it is there.

Even the horses, with all of their size and power, have found difficulty navigating the belly deep snow. Heavy snow fall after heavy snow fall, the paths they carved through their field the day before are gone. the next. Buried. They must use all of that power to carve a new path, to find a new way. No matter how deep, no matter how much it can’t be seen, there is path, there is way, it is there.

May this guided meditation below help you find light in the depths, a pause in the inbetween and a path back to stillness.

What’s keeping you going through the depths or the weight of this season - this time of year or time in your life right now? Reply or comment below, I’d love to know!

much love,

Carolyn 💞